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"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." --Mark Twain

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Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States

Tuesday, June 03, 2003


Daily Zen

I don't mean to bring up something bad, but what has been the biggest source of pain for you? Was it heartache? The loss of a loved one? Or was it getting your tonsils out? What/who has caused you the most pain in your life so far? Can you imagine it getting worse? Or will that never happen again?

I must say that giving birth was the worst. I know that's a typical response from a woman, but it's true. I have a very low tolerance for pain. I have to prepare myself for those pricks you get on the tip of your finger at the doctor's office. I cry when I stub my toe, I lose my mind if the pain is too great. Literally. The mind blocks out something that is too painful, physical or emotional. I don't remember a serious car accident I was in and still carry the scars from 15 years later and I don't remember giving birth. I had 2 children naturally. The first I tried the epidural and a couple of other medications, but they were ineffective. I felt every pain. I was delirious. I remember immediately before she was born, and immediately after, but the actually birth is lost in my mind. My son came so quickly we barely made it to the hospital. My son arrived before the doctor and the drugs. Once again I don't remember the miracle. I have no intention of doing it again. What's the point of participating in a miracle that you can't even remember?


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